I remember the joy, gratitude and excitement of finding out I was pregnant for the first time as though it was yesterday. And then the next thing I knew I was flooded with “advice” from my mother-in-law, my friends, nosy older women in the check out line at the grocery store.
That joy, gratitude and excitement was still there. But now add fear and confusion.
This was all thrown at me with the best intentions, but it was overwhelming nonetheless. I can’t imagine the number of times I heard the words, “You should,” “You’ll want to,” and “You’ve got to.” If there’s no such number as a “kajillion,” it should be created specifically in order to measure the number of suggestions a new mother receives in her first year of motherhood.
There’s no such thing as a part time mom. This gig is full-time, no matter if you’re a stay-at-home-mom, a working mom, or somewhere in between. Your kids are on your mind 24/7, no matter what else might be going on, so we tend to do a lot of research. I always say that if anyone looked through my Google searches, I would be committed or possibly jailed. It’s inevitable that we get some conflicting and flat out wrong information. I now it’s hard to believe, but Susan from Cincinnati in your Facebook mom’s groups can’t know everything.
Luckily for you, I do know it all.
Okay, I don’t, but knowing about sleep is my job so I do know stuff. Here are the things I can tell you with certainty are in fact wrong-
Too much sleep during the day will keep your baby up at night:
Not likely, except in extreme cases. Unless your little one is sleeping practically all day and up all night, you probably don’t need to concern yourself with the length of their naps. Newborns especially need a ton of sleep. In fact, up until about 6 months, I don’t recommend that your little one be awake for more than about 2 - 21/2 hours at a time. For newborns, that number is more like 45 minutes to an hour.
What keeps babies awake at night, more than anything else, is over tiredness. You might think that an exhausted baby is more likely to sack out for a full night than one who slept all day, but it’s actually just the opposite. The reason we refer to it as being “overtired” is because baby has missed the “tired” phase and their bodies start to kick back into gear, which keeps them from falling and staying asleep. A baby who has gotten a decent amount of sleep during the day is far less likely to miss the sleep window.
There are substantial variations depending on baby’s age and the length of their naps, but up to that 6 month mark, it’s really not uncommon for baby to be sleeping around 5 hours a day outside of nighttime sleep, so if your little one is still within those guidelines, let them snooze.
2. Sleeping develops naturally and can't be taught:
Sleeping is natural, absolutely. Everybody wakes up and falls back to sleep multiple times a night, regardless of their age. So technically, your baby will never really sleep through the night. What can be taught, however, is the ability to fall back to sleep independently.
The typical “bad sleeper” of a baby isn’t less in need of sleep, or more prone to waking up. They’ve just learned to depend on outside assistance to get back to sleep when they wake up. Once your little one has figured out how to get to sleep without assistance from outside sources, they start stringing those sleep cycles together absolutely effortlessly, and that’s the secret to “sleeping through the night” as most parents understand it.
3. Babies will naturally dictate their own schedules:
Our babies need extensive care and help in their development, and their sleep cycles are unbelievably erratic if left unregulated. If they miss their natural sleep cycle by as little as a half hour, their cortisol production can increase which causes a surge in energy, and things quickly spiral out of control. So as much as I wish babies could just fall asleep when they’re tired, it simply doesn’t work that way. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t respond to their cues, but you shouldn’t rely exclusively on them either.
4. Sleep Training is traumatic for the baby and can affect parental attachment:
This is the huge argument I see posted on social media. It honestly makes me sad the amount of guilt that is placed on mom's who are just trying to do what is best for their family. As if being sleep deprived wasn't enough, you also have to worry about damaging your child whilst trying to help them to sleep. Luckily, there has been ton's of research debunking this myth. And the American Academy of Pediatrics agrees! According to a 2016 study conducted by eight of their top researchers, behavioral intervention, (A.K.A Sleep training) “provide(s) significant sleep benefits above control, yet convey(s) no adverse stress responses or long-term effects on parent-child attachment or child emotions and behavior.” And also, me talking here... both my children were obviously "sleep trained", and they absolutely love me, and because I am so well rested, I love them too. Obviously, I would love them regardless, but I am better able to demonstrate patience and empathy with a good night's rest.
5. Babies are not supposed to "Sleep Through the Night".
Okay, this one is actually true. But not for the context you likely have heard it in. As I mentioned earlier, it is normal for all humans to wake several times during the night. As adults however, we usually fall back to sleep so quickly that we never even really notice we woke up. This skill is something that your baby can learn to do as well.
Yes, during the first few months of life, your baby will still require feeds. They have small stomachs and need the nutrition. But by 6 months old, most healthy babies no longer require night time feeds and can learn the skills to fall back to sleep after night waking without parent intervention.
Trusting your child’s physiology to dictate their sleep schedule, their eating habits, their behavior, or just about any other aspect of their upbringing is a recipe for disaster.
Is your toddler supposed to eat three pounds of gummi bears? Surely not. Will they if you don’t intervene. Without a doubt.
Our little ones need our expertise and authority to guide them through their early years, and probably will for decades after that. This is especially true when it comes to their sleep. Some babies are naturally gifted sleepers, for sure, but don’t rely on the advice of those who tell you that babies should dictate their schedules. You’re in charge because you know best, even if it may not feel like it sometimes.
There are obviously plenty more myths and misconceptions surrounding babies and their sleep habits, but these are some of the most important to get the facts on.
Remember, there are endless posts on social media and websites that portray themselves as factual, but there’s nothing stopping them from making that claim, regardless of their accuracy. Find trusted sources like the American Academy of Pediatrics, the National Institutes of Health, Britain’s National Health Service, Canada’s Hospital for Sick Children, the World Health Organization, and other national children’s health organizations are excellent sources of information you can feel confident about using to answer questions about your baby’s health.